Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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