you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
