let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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