oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
