He uses pillows to masturbate.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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