I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
