the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
