I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
