You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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