when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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