it was like his penis was on wheels.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
