im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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