Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
