Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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