So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
