no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
