I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
