in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
