one word: firstdatebathroomanal
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
