Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
tell me about the fingering
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