When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
