You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
