I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
