then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
