What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
