I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My liver is preforming stress tests.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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