I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
