Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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