So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
