Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
