Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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