I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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