oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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