Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The struggles of a small town man whore
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
