bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
