1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Oh god it's open bar.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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