But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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