if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
