remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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