I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Randomize
