I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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