Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I checked into jail on foursquare
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
