Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
