she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
