bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
