im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
