sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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