ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I wish I only lived at night.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
it's great music for shaving your balls
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
