Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I understand Curling. That high.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
