I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
